At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
