So drunk its hurt
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
