did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
