just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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