Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
