Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
