8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
