those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
