In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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