she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
