some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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