Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
