Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
