Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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