who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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