First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
