you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
