I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
