im drinking this country out of the recession.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
