Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
