margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
