Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
