I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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