dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
