is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize