wrigley field is MILF paradise
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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