I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
