he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
