Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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