I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
