I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
