life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
