Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
