She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
