a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
