Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
