Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
