I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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