grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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