Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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