I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
