I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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