Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
