I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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