i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
