oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
