Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
