I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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