I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
