you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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