she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
