the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
