Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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