Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
