last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
