So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize