i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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