I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
