you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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