I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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