Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
