god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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