nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
