I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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