I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
