I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
