party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
