I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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