He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
